Mediation is a structured procedure during which an unbiased person assists parties in a dispute to hopefully achieve a voluntary settlement between them. Mediation is common in family law and divorce issues to come up with a solution for custody decisions, the splitting of property, and payment of financial support. It proves to be effective if transparency is brought by both parties during negotiations, meaning that the process is carried out in good faith. When one party is diagnosed as having a personality disorder, Mediators can be seriously hindered by such a condition. Manipulation, deception, and a total lack of empathy result in their respective ways of breaking the process.
Each of the following personality types is known to interfere with the Mediators process in a specific way: narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial personality disorder, psychopathy, and pathological lying. Oklahoma City family mediators are meeting more and more often with such personality types. The same types of things occur in high-conflict divorces and custody proceedings in OKC, as well as in other locations. In this blog, we take a look at the ways in which each condition can impact mediation, what family mediating professionals need to be aware of, and when they might need investigative assistance.
What Makes Mediation Work — and What Breaks It
In a mediation, what are the three requirements upon which mediation rests? The two parties need to communicate in a sincere manner. Both sides must be prepared to do some compromising. They both, of course, have to adhere to the position of the mediator as a neutral guide.
In those situations, mediation is an effective way to solve the conflicts and costs significantly less than litigation. Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, and Norman (Norman was previously a part of Oklahoma City) courts actively promote mediation in family law matters. Many judges impose a requirement that a Mediators be attempted between the parties prior to the judge scheduling the hearing of any case if it is contested.
The process fails when one side sees mediation as an opportunity for a ploy instead of a means to solve a problem. A party that comes to mediation in a dishonest/defamatory, delaying, or manipulative manner is not required to play detectable drama. Any small distortions, calculated emotional displays, or selective omissions can knock honest negotiating out of the ring.
Oklahoma’s OKC and Edmond private investigators specializing in high-conflict divorce cases are all too familiar with failed Mediators. When one spouse hides money or encourages a parent’s problems as a way to go through mediation, a paper trail is usually the place to find evidence or is easy to trace. Investigators collect the documented evidence for use in the next litigation. Investigators collect those to use in later litigation.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Mediation
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a real disorder. It’s listed in the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. It is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, seeking of admiration, and a lack of empathy towards others.
The NPD doesn’t see mediation as a process of problem-solving. For them, it’s a battle for power. But to them, success is more important than finding a viable compromise.
How Narcissists Behave in Mediation Sessions
In every situation, the narcissist will come across as the victim. They turn each compromise into a personal attack. They take being mediated as such, especially if the mediator does not affirm their stance.
A narcissist has become so used to having his or her needs met that he or she has found it impossible to accept the other person’s needs. It is defeat in their sights if they do not win. Get them to agree to terms verbally during a session and then deny the agreement. This is one of the most common mediator behavioral cues for NPD – the façade of agreement followed by the withdrawal.
Mediators also fall into the hands of narcissists as a tool for them. They make the time eventually too long, they cite the same arguments in various ways, and they concoct new reasons for grievance to keep the process going. Their objective is to wear down the opponent to an agreement that doesn’t work as well for them.
An Oklahoma City private investigator who monitors a party’s actions throughout the entire case creates solid evidence of behavior. Attorneys use that record to demonstrate a pattern of conduct to a clear path to the court. When there are such documented inconsistencies between mediation statements and conduct outside the mediation, it is important. It is especially beneficial when there have been inconsistencies that are documented (between what the narcissistic party says in mediation compared to what it does outside of Mediators.
Financial Concealment and Narcissistic Spouses
One of the most frequent divorce tactics by the narcissistic spouse is financial concealment. A narcissistic spouse can conceal income or underreport business income and/or move money around beforehand to even the score with mediation.
Under Oklahoma divorce law, both parties must disclose all finances. When your spouse deceitfully misrepresents the assets and debts during mediation, it is considered fraud on the court if they are narcissistic. It may not be apparent in the mediation process.
A Norman, OK private investigator who is doing a financial investigation will make use of a search of property assets in addition to examining business records. A form of surveillance is also used to record furtive sources of income and secret accounts. This documented proof compels a truthful necessity, and it can give protection to the other spouse’s financial settlement.
Antisocial Personality Disorder and Sociopathy in Mediation
What is commonly referred to as ‘sociopathy’ is actually classified as antisocial personality disorder, or ASPD, which is a clinical diagnosis. According to the DSM-5, ASPD involves a pattern of disregard for the rights of others and deceitfulness that is present for more than 18 months. Other key characteristics of the diagnosis are impulsivity and a lack of remorse.
Someone with ASPD has a different thought process when it comes to mediation than the mediator. Not bound by guilt, social norms, or consideration for the other party’s welfare. They have no desire to fulfill agreements they make. These individuals lie confidently without any apparent nervousness.
Why Sociopaths Make Mediation Agreements Meaningless
A sociopathic party is capable of realistic cooperation. They take their cue from the mediator and behave in a reasonable manner. They might sign an agreement in mediation and start reneging on the terms as soon as mediation concludes.
A sociopathic parent whose custody agreements have been signed generally ends up failing within the first couple of weeks. The parent fails to pick up the child according to the schedule, moves without conditions, and fails to honor no-contact rules. Another pattern is the fact that the child is used as a pawn in continuous struggle.
When mediated with the sociopath, you end up with a piece of paper and not the resolution. The contract is binding—covenants not to do impactful things or retaliation do not influence party actions. The only way of enforcing it is through the court.
An Oklahoma City private detective who tracks the adherence of a sociopathic party develops a record of documented violations. This record is used to support contempt filings and Emergency Custody motions. That record can be used for emergency custody, to file contempt, and a request for supervised visitation. Oklahoma family courts allow the admission of evidence obtained by lawful monitoring.
Criminal History and ASPD in Family Mediation
Individuals who have ASPD often have a history of criminal acts such as fraud, theft, domestic violence, and/or drug-related offenses. That history is pertinent to the process of determining custody and financial settlements.
An Oklahoma private investigator background check could find criminal records and protective orders. These searches also reveal civil judgments to which the other party is a party that they didn’t disclose. Criminal records are one area that is taken into consideration by Oklahoma family courts when they assess whether or not a parent would be fit or when assessing an asset division.
Mediators do not have the authority to do background investigations. They take into account what the parties tell them. Rather than failing mediation, it is a private investigation team that fills that gap and has not participated in mediation.
Psychopathy in Family and Divorce Mediation
Psychopathy is not a psychiatric disorder per se, and as such, is not formally classified as part of DSM-5. It is a concept in psychological and forensic studies that is used to account for a pattern of attributes. These symptoms may include superficial charm, pathological lying, emotional shallowness, manipulativeness, and predatory behavior toward others.
The most commonly used assessment tool in forensic settings is the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R) by Robert Hare. Psychopathy is similar to ASPD, but is a more extreme and focused pattern. Not all people with ASPD cross that threshold that makes them psychopaths.
The Psychopath’s Advantage in Mediation
A psychopathic party has characteristics that allow them to have a structural advantage in mediation. When lying, they feel no anxiety. There is no feeling of guilt in their manipulative behavior. They are able to tell how others are feeling and use this to their benefit.
The other party is at a great disadvantage, is in good faith, and is really emotionally upset. They might compromise just because they’re tired or think that it’s better not to because the psychopathic person could exploit the offer in the end.
During long sessions, skilled Oklahoma family mediators are able to identify the telltale signs of psychopathy. A few superficial markers include being consistently correct and strongly escalating when faced with the threat of being out of control. It is not uncommon to use the children as an emotional bargaining chip with the other parent.
Mediators who are familiar with these patterns tend to suggest a halt to mediation and a shift to litigation. That is where a Private Investigator in OKC can help – by providing documented evidence of behavior that can aid an attorney’s case in litigation.
Psychopathy and Parental Alienation
Parental alienation is a behavior that has been documented where one parent consistently undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent. Psychopathic parents utilize alienation techniques and do so quite on purpose… and without remorse.
These include coaching the child to tell lies and limiting the other parent’s access. It’s another common strategy to inconvenience people through the court system and cause financial hardship.
An Oklahoma City Private Investigator records alienation behaviors by conducting surveillance, going over the school and medical records, and interviewing witnesses. Such documentation backs up the alienation claim in the left-behind parent’s petition to modify custody, and may help the courts determine that alienation is intentional and ongoing.
Pathological Lying in Mediation
Pathological lying is not a diagnosis per se in the DSM-5. Also known as pseudologia fantastica, it is a behavior pattern. An exaggerated, habitual, or even extreme form of lying that goes beyond the person’s self-interest.
A pathological liar isn’t always a liar who has ulterior motives. Occasionally, they lie to build up a “TRUTHFICTION” of their impression of themselves, to reduce anxiety, or because they are lying and it is just something they do. When it comes to mediation, this distinction becomes important as their lying might not be in a distinct pattern that would be in their own best interests.
Why Pathological Liars Undermine the Mediation Record
Mediation agreements are based on an accurate joint set of facts. All of these figures—income, value of assets, and parent history—must be agreed to in order for resolution to take place. Even facts about the marriage’s circumstances are disputed and need to be resolved.
100% of the time, a pathological liar taints that record. They are late in saying when things happened, or they make up conversations, they lie about things they have witnessed, or they contradict themselves during the same session. If the mediator isn’t able to access background documentation, the mediator will be unable to tell you whose side is true.
Mediations in Oklahoma (Edmond & Norman OK) are preceded by the PI’s preparing independent documentation files. Those records comprise financial documentation, communications history and intercepts, surveillance videos, and background check reports. If, during mediation, the pathological liar is in conflict with his/her records, there is something on record.
An Oklahoma City private detective who takes the time to fully investigate a case prior to mediation can provide a lot of fact-based benefits to the honest party. All the bogus claims can be compared to the actual facts. Each fiction can be weighed against the cold, hard facts.
Detecting Pathological Lying in Legal Proceedings
Adults: There are a number of ways to determine if an adult is a pathological liar in legal situations, as attorneys and mediators determine this. The more specific the questions are, instead of general, the quicker the inconsistencies will be revealed. Repeated questioning of the same item(s) during a session yields conflicting responses.
Nothing is more effective than documentation. Attorneys have a factual baseline from a private investigator in OKC who has confirmed the information and address history. Any comment that runs contrary to that statement is met with scrutiny from both sides. When people say things that are different from that norm, it is scrutinized by all.
When pathological lying is felt to be a factor in a Custody case, a Psychological Evaluation may be ordered by Oklahoma courts as well. If there are certain personality disorder traits that could explain and predict the party’s behavior, they could be formally identified through the observation of a forensic psychologist throughout the assessment process.
How Private Investigators Support High-Conflict Mediation Cases
Oklahoma City private investigators are directly involved in high-conflict family law cases and document their work. Their practice starts before entering mediation, and it continues in the mediation if it does not succeed.
Pre-Mediation Investigation
As soon as mediation is initiated, a private investigator in OKC will do background checks and asset searches. The high-conflict party’s behavior is also revealed by social media investigations. Criminal history, hidden assets, and previous restraining orders are the foundations identified. There are also behavioral patterns from which the mediator and attorney should get a “heads-up” before the mediation process starts.
The hiring of a private detective in Norman, Oklahoma, to uncover undisclosed business revenue or overseas accounts turns the discussion around completely. Previous domestic violence convictions (which are not declared) have the same relevance.
Surveillance and Behavioral Documentation
An Edmond, Oklahoma private investigator can do surveillance during the mediation period. The intent is to capture the actual behaviors of the high-conflict party “off-line. When the narcissistic parent actually states in mediation that he/she is fit, yet then is supposed to comply with the terms of the custody but does not, it puts them in a paper trail of how they claimed they were fit, yet violated the terms. Surveillance video has the answer: that contradiction.
Judge-Made permissive recording of surveillance videos with proper time examples is authorized in Oklahoma Family Law Courts. Provides visual, direct evidence of behavior to the judge that the high-conflict party denies in all formal proceedings.
Post-Mediation Compliance Monitoring
If an agreement is reached through mediation services, an Oklahoma City private investigator will be able to track whether the high-conflict party abides by the requirements of the agreement. Violations reported within weeks of a signed agreement clearly evidence a lack of intention to abide by the agreement.
That documentation helps in contempt filings, modification petitions, as well as requests for enforcement sanctions. This post-agreement monitoring is a routine assignment that investigators in OKC conduct during high-conflict divorce cases.
When Mediation Should Be Bypassed Entirely
Not all of the above-mentioned high-conflict cases are ripe for mediation. Oklahoma City/Ft. Sillok family law attorneys now recommend that their clients skip mediation in some instances.
If there is significant history between the parties where they have had domestic violence of a proven nature, then mediation is not an appropriate process. If there is an imbalance of power due to abuse, voluntary negotiation will not be possible. Oklahoma courts know this, and mediation isn’t required in domestic violence cases.
A documented personality disorder at the time of mediation would also mean it is not an appropriate method to reach a resolution. Oh! You’ve lost the first one; then to repeat it is a loss of time, money, and emotion. When a process fails, repeating it is wasteful financially, emotionally, and in terms of time.
Any and all financial concealments or behavior violations must be taken to the courts, not to a mediation room. If a private investigator in OKC has already prepared that evidence file, litigating is the next appropriate measure to take. If the conduct of one of the parties has been documented as disreputable and injurious, then litigation is the correct forum, not mediation.
Work with Keefe Private Investigators in Oklahoma City
The mediation of disputes with a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath, or pathological liar involves more than just a good mediator. It needs documented evidence that can’t be twisted, challenged, or dismissed. Those are experienced private investigators who provide that evidence. They are familiar with how these types of personalities act in high-conflict family law situations.
Keefe Private Investigators provides its services to their clients not only in Oklahoma City, OKC, but also in Norman, Oklahoma, and Edmond, OK. In divorce and custody cases involving high-conflict personalities, we research backgrounds, conduct financial investigations, and document surveillance and behavior.
Contact us by phone at (405)-435-8355 and talk with an investigator about your case today.
